Two weeks ago I posted that I would be hosting a webinar for white women on how to be intersectional in their feminism. I intended to have two sisters co-host (read: get Becky and Emily all the way together) with me. The cost? $80 per person. I instructed anyone interested in attending to email me for more details.
Within a few hours, 30 white women and emailed me. Of the 30, seven were letting me know they’d love to take part in the webinar but couldn’t afford the $80. Now the sisters were telling me, “A couple of hours talking to a bunch of white women is worth at least twice that.” But of course, white women felt it was completely fine to subtly urge a Black woman they don’t know to invest the kind of emotional and intellectual labor it would take to prepare and administer a webinar instructing white women how to care about anybody other than their god damned selves to reconsider how much she was charging or at least give some special snowflakes (read: the good white women) a discount.
I canceled that shit before I could even began planning it because as I realized long ago, white women are much too fucking exhausting for me to ever try to work with them en masse, even for profit. I’ve written about this before. Lately though, the thinly-veiled racism, narcissism and collective arrogance of white women have reminded me why I will never associate myself with feminism: I cannot stomach white women.
To be clear, I understand that white women do not own the patent or the rights to feminism. Black women were feminists before it had a name and philosophy. Still, feminism has been hijacked by white women and truthfully, one cannot be a feminist if she intends to exclude some women from her fight (Are y’all picking up what I’m putting down Susie and Megan?). But even had I not been born done with white women, the last week of their collective bullshit alone would be enough for me to wash my hands with them.
To start in true form, a white woman in Texas (despite the fact that The Independent’s misleading headline calls her a “teenager”) lied about being gang raped by three Black men. I’m not surprised given the historical context of white women lying about Black men and boys raping or otherwise offending them (often resulting in fatal consequences), but that makes it no less repulsive. As a woman who makes a practice of believing women when they say they were raped or sexually assaulted, white women make it very difficult to stand in that principle.
Playing on the American delusion that white women are irresistible and thus always susceptible to violation by Black brutes only further tests my already tenuous and tepid inclination to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have a Black son, brother and husband who could all have their lives ruined by a white woman’s treachery. And then I’m strapped with the knowledge that most likely 3 in 5 of the Black women I know have been sexually assaulted. So white women will have to do their own heavy lifting to sift through allegations to decide which one of their sisters to believe.
I’ve just doubled down on my commitment to making space for my sisters who have been preyed upon, believing them and helping them heal. That’s a commitment that extends to Black girls, who aren’t allowed to be victims and whom nobody, including white women who insist they’re here for all girls but can’t stop their attention-seeking fuckery long enough to share an article about the dozen or so Black girls missing in D.C.
I tweeted as much and my mentions filled with white women reminding me that we all need to stand together. I shouldn’t single them out or make assumptions based on the color of their skin they said. “You can’t talk about what you don’t know,” they chastised. And in their rush to defend themselves from accusations that they don’t care about Black girls, they forgot to mention the missing Black girls, proving as they have been for centuries that white women don’t give a fuck about anybody but white women.
Yo, white feminists, let me interrupt y'all making pussy hats to ask why y'all silent about the #MissingDCGirls?
— Kinfolk Kollective (@knflkkollective) March 24, 2017
Then they demanded I try to educate them. For free. They still believe they can exploit the labor of a Black woman (just like all of you white women who will scroll past the donation link to your right but email me to to tell me how much you enjoyed an article and how it opened your eyes), expecting us to patiently guide them to being less shitty people. Nah, Beckster. I dragged the feminist horse to the informational, intersectional well, but I won’t be standing there making sure you drink.
Now to complete the trifecta, because white women never miss an opportunity to show that their only loyalty is to their own interests, white feminists have been having orgasms since Tomi Lauren announced she’s pro-choice. One “liberal, feminist woman” was so impressed with Lahren that she declared she owed Lahren “an apology” for “tearing a strong, confident woman who holds her values close to her heart down simply” because they don’t agree. Yes, with a single endorsement of abortion rights, Lahren earned the “long overdue respect” of white feminists.
All is forgiven. After all, white women’s gripe with Lahren wasn’t based on her rants which challenged their human rights. They just wanted to be sure that she wasn’t conservative enough to infringe on the rights of white women. Her stance on Black and brown people immigrating, which effects other women, can be overlooked. Her pro-cop, anti-Black bullshit that emboldens millions of white people to continue supporting the state-sanctioned, extrajudicial killings of Black people, including the perpetually ignored Black women, are cool. Those are just differing opinions. I mean, white people can disagree on the varying degrees of humanity that non-white people deserve while still respecting each other. That whole racist thing is not a deal breaker for pussy hat wearers. So long as Lahren makes it clear that she stands for white women having access to abortions, she’s entitled to respect.
White women are exhausting. As fuck. I don’t have the time, energy or interest to ignore that to accomplish some colorblind mission of women’s equality. Black women have been standing with and for each other forever. I don’t need white women to teach me how to be there for and fight for other women. Black women invented feminism.
But as with most movements, feminism has been painted white. And with that rebranding comes whitewashing. So if feminism means being there for all women, it’s a hard pass for me. I’m not losing my voice screaming for white women who don’t even whisper for me. I reserve my lungs and alto for Black women like I always have. I don’t need a label for that. I don’t need an ideology for the space I make and hold for Black women. I don’t need a sign, a banner or a march to show solidarity with my real sisters.
I’m not a feminist because I don’t give fuck about white women. I draw deep lines between us and them. And I’m alright with that. I’ll just continue supporting and loving Black women and girls. That’s all the movement I’ll ever need.